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MISH-MASH-MUSH 2

BLABFLAB BLABBLOB POETS who can’t write clear, simple, unconvoluted prose carry their MUMBO-JUMBO-GUMBO HOJPOJ-GARBAJ-BARAJ TUNGDUNG into their poetry, especially their prose poetry. Examples of this plague of GRANDILOQUENT GOBBLEDEGOOK follow:

***It seems undeniable that there was a connection between this and that.
Undeniably, this connected to that.
***He is in a position to do it.
He can do it.
***He was in a position to do it.
He could have done it.
***You will be in a better position to protect your work.
You will better protect your work.
***The fact that we were able to do so was due to modern technology.
Modern technology enabled us to do so.
***It is so clear that he did it.
Clearly he did it.
***If you read film reviews, you’ll notice they rarely criticize directing. Film reviews rarely criticize directing.

***These elements are an intrinsic part to creating a good script.

These elements help create a good script.

***Making a good script great is a process. It’s a process where the craft of writing and the art of 

writing together create the magic of film.

Great writing makes a good script great and creates film (movie) magic.

***There was no reason for him to go out of his way to give me an endorsement. 

He had no reason to endorse me.

***It is not going to happen.

It will not happen.

***In deed we can say for certain that…

Certainly

***There are plenty of people who are willing to make a deal.

Plenty of people will make a deal.

***There’s a feast out there waiting for you.

A feast out there waits for you.

***Things that are doable…

Doable things…

***He ended up doing it.

He did it.

***…can do little to help…

…can little help…

***…the central life question that you are experiencing in you life…

your central life question…

***It is essential that they have a place in the story.

They must have a place in the story

***There are several antagonists in the film.

Several antogonists are in the film.

The film has several antagonists.

*** He moved in the direction of the bridge:

He moved toward the bridge.

***Unbelievable as it may seem: Unbelievably

***It is used for the measurement of time.

It measures time.

***The astonishing thing is that it was a miracle.

Astonishingly it was a miracle.

***It is at this point that:  Now

***It was at that point that: Then

***In all probability, it is too late.

It probably is too late.

It may/might be too late.

***He is of the opinion that he should go.

He thinks that he should go.

***He came to the conclusion that she was right.

He concluded that she was right.

***You must have a contribution to make to the work.

You must contribute to the work.

***Let us now know how we are to think about the situation.

Tell us how to think about the situation.

***…during the course of the story…

…during the story…

***…serves to drive the story forward…

drives the story forward…

***…in spite of the fact that he did it…

although he did it…

***…material which is not believable…

unbelievable material…

***There have been many films which have failed at the box office.

Many films have failed at the box office.

***There were too many characters who did not have a clear story function.

Too many characters had no clear story function.

***There was a disagreement over the direction that the story was taking.

They disagreed over the story direction.

***It is necessary that he do it.

He needs to do it.

He must do it.

***This book is designed to discuss that.

This book discusses that.

***It seems like all the elements don’t fit.

All the elements don’t seem to fit.

***It is my belief that…

believe that…

***You have a feeling that…

You feel that…

***Rewriting is a process that demands…

Rewriting demands…

***To understand how problems are solved in great writing…

To understand how great writing solves problems…

***Normal situations confronted in the rewrite stage…

Normal rewrite situations

***The focus of this book is on rewrites.

This book focuses on rewrites.

***These concepts can be applied to a good book to make it better.

These concept can make a good book better.

,These concepts can better a good book.

***There is no relationship between them.

They have no relationship.

***It got to the point where even I had to admit that I would not be able to do it right away.

could not do it right away.

***There are specific elements that make good writing.

Specific elements make good writing.

***The eye is quicker at grasping details than the ear.

The eye grasps details quicker than the ear.

***Important characters who will be part of the plot…

Important plot characters…

***Get the story started.

Start the story.

***…the last in a series o incidents that happened…

…the last in a series of incidents…

***…the method by which the character reaches the goal…

how the character reaches the goal…

***…the way in which the character reaches the goal…

how the character reaches the goal…

***…the manner in which the character reaches the goal…

how the character reaches the goal…

***In order for characters to change, they need help.

Characters need help to change.

***It seems as if all is over for them.

All seems over for them.

***We would never be able to get it done.

We could never do it.

***He would never have been able to get it done.

He could never have done it.

***He was capable of writing better characters.

He could write better characters.

***He had the capability to write better characters.

He could write better characters.

***When it comes to creating characters, it become sessential to look at character function.

To create characters you must look at character function.

***The love interest is usually the means by which the character gets transformed.

The love interest usually transforms the character.

***These are the people who provide information or cause an event to happen.

These people provide information or cause an event.

***There are several supporting roles whose main function it is to  demonstrate the status of the main character.
Several supporting roles show the status of the main character.

***…in order to do this right…

…to do this right…

***…to have respect for…

…to respect

***Motivation is meant/used to push the character forward.

Motivation pushes the character forward.

***Character is best revealed through action which advances the story.

Action reveals character and advances the story.

***He is particularly vulnerable to being thrust in a new direction.

He could be thrusted in a new direction.

***While waiting for the story to get started…

Waiting for the story to start

***It used to be that you could count on job security.

You used to count on job security it.

You counted on job security.

***This is a woman who knows her job.

This woman knows her job.

***It should be noted that he did excellent work.

He did excellent work.

***The purpose of the set-up is to tell…

The set-up tells…

***Her character caused the story to move in a new direction.

Her character moved the story in a new direction.

***It is character that impinges on the story. 

Character impacts/drives story. 

***…put emphasis on.. emphasize

***There is no action to push the character into the story.

No action pushes the character into the story.

***No amount of explaining this is going to help you understand this.

Explaining this will not help you understand this.

***There are several methods used to tell rather than show.

Several methods tell rather than show.

***We don’t have any reason to believe that.

We have no reason to believe that.

***There is no reason for us to question why he did it.

We have no reason to question why he did it.

***That doesn’t mean anything to me at all.

That means nothing to me.

***They are no more than ideas in our minds, which we impose on the natural world. 

We impose our ideas on nature.

***What we observe is never the electron itself. 

We never observe the electron itself.

***The pictures are useful only as a description of an electron.

The pictures only describe an electron.

***There is no experimental device that forces us to apply pictures.

No experimental device forces us to apply pictures.

***It cannot give us an objective picture of what nature is like.

It cannot objectively picture what nature is like.

***Physics is only a way to keep track of what is observable.

Physics only tracks what we observe.

***utilize/employ/apply: use

***demonstrate/illuminate: show

***…to do so would be to claim…

…to do so would claim…

***The love interest is usually the means by which the character is transformed.

The love interest usually transforms the character.

***These are the people who provide information and cause an event to happen.

These people provide information and cause an event.

(to cause means ‘to make happen’. ‘To cause an event to happen’ is double talk:

You would be saying ‘to make happen an event to happen‘.

***There are several supporting roles whose main function it is to demonstrate the status of the 

protagonist.

Several supporting roles mainly show the status of the protagonist.

***They have little to say to each other.

They say little to each other.

***The film might be in danger of being misinterpreted as being too miopic in perspective.

Some people might misinterpret the film as too miopic.

***The graciousness with which he approaches women…

His graciousness toward women…

***There’s not a clear right or wrong.

There’s no clear right or wrong.

Right or wrong are not clear.

***Sometimes this particular character becomes essential to the story that’s being told because the 

story is dependent on a clear message being converyed from the writer to the audience.

***…violence on an individual level…

individual violence…

***…no matter what he does…

whatever he does…

***…the empathy we feel for…

our empathy for…

***It’s not always important for him to know that.

He doesn’t always need to know that.

***…gives rise to the implication that…

implies that…

***Story structure is a way to make certain your story’s themes are realized and fulfilled.

Story structure fulfills and realizes story themes. (Nonsense statement)

***Nothing special has to be going on when the movie starts.

Nothing must happen when the movie starts.

***It met the criteria that I had devised.

It met my criteria.

***Make sure it’s the thing that really means something to you.

Make sure it means something to you.

***The real excitement to me was seeing my system validated.

I was really excited seeing my system validated.

Seeing my system validated really excited me.

***His health took a sudden turn for the worse.

His health worsened.

***Make sure it is the thing that means something to you.

Make sure it means something to you.

Make sure it matters to you.

***There is a difference between men’s and women’s approach to theme.

Me and women approach theme differently.

***…to cause that event to happen…

…to cause that event…

(‘to cause’ means to ‘make happen’. ‘to make happen’ something’to happen’ is double talk)

***In overcoming obstacles a character’s inner life is laid bare.

Overcoming obstacles lays bare a character’s inner life.

***The essence of characterization is the revelation of the inner life of the character.

Characterization reveals the character’s inner life.

***The purpose of drama s to show how men become happy or miserable a a result of their actions.

Drama shows how action makes men happy or miserable.

***There are no characters as such.

No such characters exist.

***He likes to work with people who are already established.

He likes to work with established people.

***They are up there up on the mountaintop.

They are on the mountaintop.

***You can be their guide.

You can guide them.

***There’s nothing wrong with it.

Nothing’s wrong with it.

It has nothing wrong.

***It is set up so that we are dependent on the media for recognition and approval.

The media recognizes and approves us.

***A strong case could be made that pursuing status is not a good investment of your time.

You should not pursue status.

***It is important to keep in mind that you should do it when ready.

Do it when ready.

***Seek out something that offers you hope.

Seek something hopeful.

***He goes on to explain that

He explain that.

***He ended up taking it right back.

He took it right back.

***He exorcized his own personal demons.

He exorcied his demons.

***…end up as…

become

***That was the vital ingredient that was missing throughout the whole process.

That was the vital missing ingredient.

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